Tuesday, July 12, 2011

Lots on my mind

I'm sitting here at the computer, surprisingly full of energy, and I've got entirely way too many thoughts going on in my head.  So, this might be a little rambly and disjointed....feel free to stop reading now.  My feelings won't be hurt.

this is how he watched fireworks - shark pajamas and accompanied by Hilbert.

I remember writing a blog when William was itty bitty about making time for me and putting me first.  Which sounds oh so selfish now - but I remember the how crazy everything was with a tiny infant who wasn't happy and in turn, I was having a difficult time being happy - but I can't help but think how many people judged me for that?  And I also remember one where I said I was going to make the commitment to just play with William for an hour a day.  That sounds like so little time out of a day when you're a stay at home mom.  Then I had to remind myself, that of all the hours in the day, I spent an insane amount of those feeding him and walking/rocking him to sleep, he spent an ok amount of time sleeping, and I had put a huge amount of pressure on myself to try and be a good housewife in-between all of that - so when you really get down to it - an hour of unadulterated play time really wasn't that bad.  But I bet I got judged for that too.  Shoot, I judge myself, until I remember what our schedule actually looked like at that point.  Anyhow, that's on my mind.

he refused to let us adjust the hat - he liked it in his eyes...

I just read a blog post from someone who just had a baby, and she is showing off her 10 day post baby body, and I kind of want to smack her across the face.  It looks like she never had a baby.  I am not that lucky person.  I, at minimum, look 6 months pregnant post baby and it's probably closer to 8.  (which is how I look now - and I got no less than 6 shocked looks from people today who couldn't believe I had two more months of being pregnant)  It's all I can do right now not to have my self-esteem take a hit.  But apparently, I am affected enough to write it down in a blog post that is probably supposed to be about my kid.... best laid plans.

I think I am starting to swell.  I almost can't get my rings off in the evening and my flats are beginning to make marks on the top of my feet.  Awesome.

family of three swimming

William was gone all last week, and I missed him.  It was nice to be able to run errands after work without having to worry about whether a certain kidlet would throw a fit before we could get him a snack.  One night, we got super rebellious and didn't eat dinner until 8pm.  Granted, it was just frozen pizza, but it totally counts as us get crazy.  I meant to get us to a dollar movie one night, but we were both too tired every night...plus, when it got down to it, it was only three nights.  We headed up to Cleveland on Friday night after work.  Made awesome time through Atlanta.  That was nice.  And Sam and I talked about lots of stuff.  Good times.

playing piano with Mommy - he playing enjoyed the "keys" 

William had a great time with Grandaddy and Mima - though he still calls both of them BeBe.  He has made a grandparent category and he's sticking to it.  I think it's adorable.  Sam's Dad doesn't feel the same way and keeps trying to correct him.  There were lots of walks to visit the cows and horses - both he calls "Boos".  I had asked Daddy to see if he would sit through the movie Cars, because I was sort of considering taking him to see Cars 2.... well, we created a monster.  He watched the movie everyday (twice once) and now asks for it all the time.  He "read" the DVD box on the way home Sunday afternoon.  Hilarious.  Too bad for him - movies are a weekend treat - not for 7am on school days.

checking out the Chattahoochee with Omi

Saturday we got in the pond to swim - and he did really well - even kicked his feet like a real swimming little boy.  Kalin (KK) came over to play, and William adores him.  Completely understandable - KK is fun.  The Lainey came after work and it was pizza night - complete with a family friendly movie.

Happy Birthday William!!

Sunday we went over to Mom's house for breakfast and an impromptu birthday party for William, since we aren't doing anything over the top this year.  (I'm going to be way too pregnant to worry about stressing over that...)  William got a super cool Balance Bike from Mom.  He LOOOVVVEEEDD it!!!  Our gift to him was a helmet - so he doesn't end up with a pointed forehead like his mommy.  :)  If the heat would ever subside - we would take a walk over to the church parking lot and let him practice - the heat index was either 105 or 109 today.... I can't remember.  Anyhow - it was a lot of fun and who doesn't love starting the day out with homemade french toast.  Yum.  Unfortunately, William woke up at 5:30 am on Sunday, so he became a pill much earlier than anticipated and we had to cut the visit short.  I felt really bad, but he was screaming and crying and throwing tantrums - so it's not like he was great company.  Hopefully we'll have better luck next time.

about an inch too short to be really good at it - but he had a great time toodling around anyway!  Thanks Mom!!

I guess I'm just sitting here questioning whether I am good mom and feeling guilty because right this very second I don't feel like I am.  Not asking for any kind of validation - just not having a good mommy day I guess.  Who knows.  And Sam goes to Toronto next week, and I'm having my Dad come down for two days and then the in-laws are taking him for a sleepover on Thursday - I don't feel like I'm going to be a mom at all.  And Sam says, let them help, let them give you a break, you physically hurt and he's a handful..... All true I suppose, but he's my kid - aren't I supposed to be the one who takes care of him?  Anyhow, I guess it's normal to feel like a bad mom at some point, even if makes no sense, because I'm taking old blog posts out of context...  Ok.  I'll stop.  Or atleast I won't type it anymore.

Well, it's 9:30 and I'm no longer feeling so awake.  If you made it this far, you should be commended, and I apologize for being a total buzzkill tonight.  Maybe I feel a little better just writing it down.  Let's hope so anyway - I much prefer feeling like supermom.


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